Quit Drinking Together

We were driving home today from doing some shopping and I suddenly felt the truck slow rather quickly. I looked up from the passenger seat and saw what I first thought to be a deer in the middle of the highway and realized it was a dog. The speed limit is 65 here and most people drive at least 70. It was raining pretty good out (not quite cats and dogs) and this poor dog was just kinda running in circles in the road. I quickly told my husband to stop. After witnessing a couple close calls with ass-hats cruising right past the dog, we called her over to us when it was clear and opened the back door. She didn’t hesitate and jumped right in. The sweet girl was soaking wet and whimpering. Her collar had no tags and here we are, out in the middle of the country, with houses scattered everywhere! I found myself cursing the whole way to the first driveway we turned onto. I wanted to punch some of the careless humans that sped past-this dog just inches away from killing her without a care it seemed – something I’ll never understand. My husband jumped out and came back around the side of the house with a man that came to look at the dog – he said he’s seen her around before and she’s a nice dog but has no idea where she comes from. When we got back on the road, we decided to head up to a big fancy house on the top of a hill. There was a man in the drive-way lighting a tiny charcoal grill in the rain and a look that suggested he was not expecting company of any kind. I got out and asked if he was missing a dog. “No. I don’t think so. I don’t think I’m missing a dog.” He said as he looked around. I started walking towards the truck asking him to see if he knows who’s dog this is and as soon as the window went down he said “Maggie! How did you get out!?”. He went on to tell me that she gets confused and takes off as I nicely but firmly let him know that she almost got hit at least a couple of times down on the busy and fast highway. He told her to get in the house and she jumped right out of the truck when I opened the door. He didn’t seem all that shocked that she was gone, but thanked us just the same. I’m worried I’ll see Maggie again – though I hope I never do. It was a little funny because when we woke this morning, it was sunny and beautiful out. We left all the windows wide open for some fresh, crunchy fall air. Once we got to town to do some shopping (1/2 hour drive away) the clouds came out of nowhere and it started raining. We kinda rushed thru lunch and made a quick run through the stores while watching the Ring doorbell – no rain had hit home yet, but you could see the sky darkening in the camera each time we checked it. We probably would’ve made it home in time to beat the rain had Maggie decided not to take a hike by herself. But we’re glad we crossed paths with her. She was such a sweet dog and despite her shaking off in the back of the truck, it was nice meeting her.

I know that things don’t always go our way. That’s an understatement. It’s clear that almost always, most things do not go the way anyone thought or planned them to. I didn’t expect to be where I am at this time in my life- and with that, I can say I feel both good and bad things about this. My top fears include waking up at 65 or so, and suddenly not being able to do so many things I’ve always wanted to and still haven’t. Fear of having all these regrets. I don’t want that to happen. I think the longer I’m sober, the more I realize what I’ve missed out on. I’ve recently been thinking over and over about my work and career – one of the biggest things in my life that didn’t go as planned – and here I am, almost two decades later, wondering what it’s all for. When I drank alcohol everyday and when I had a safe place to be hungover at and do less than half-ass work, it was easy. Now, over the last couple of years, I’ve been wondering again and again why I do what I do. It doesn’t feeling meaningful to me. It doesn’t feel worth-while and aside from a select few people I’ve grown to love at work – it doesn’t feel like me. So now, what do I do? Do you guys ever feel so stuck in your routine that you’re only still there because you’re scared to change it? Do you ever take the time to ask yourself if it’s where you belong and what you’re meant to be doing? Now that I’m asking it- I feel like it’s time for a big change – and I have no idea what that looks like.