Quit Drinking Together

I have no idea if anyone is even reading this blog. But if you are – please excuse my long absence! Rest assured, I’m still sober & strapped to this wagon like Hannibal to his dolly. It’s easy to get in the groove of not doing something. I told myself on a weekly basis to get on here and write. If not for you – then for me. It seems time sneaks away at a quicker pace these days. 👟

I feel like sharing this odd experience I had tonight. We decided to go out to eat. If you’re familiar with living in the country, you know that it takes at least 1/2 hour drive to get just about anywhere. We didn’t want to drive far after this incredibly draining work day, so we kinda looked at each other and decided we’d go to the bar and grill in town. Thee bar. The bar that I spent hours upon hours at – likely destroying what little reputation I had and making a fool of myself on a daily basis. I have stepped into this place once in the last 2 1/2 years and that was well over a year ago when I spotted my husbands truck as I was leaving the gym across the street (I had a glass of water and bolted). 🥤

I wasn’t thrilled to go there considering the past this bar and I shared, as well as the uncertainty of who might be inside. My main concern at first, though, was finding something I’d enjoy to eat there. Bar food isn’t my friend. However, as soon as we pulled up and parked, I got nervous. I felt so weird and… triggered. Not the kind of trigger that made me want to run inside and do a keg-stand – more like a massive flood of memories (and lack thereof) in just a sad and dull sense came into mind. Emotions of how I hated so many things, including myself, during the times spent here. My husband immediately knew something was wrong and offered to leave – instead, I took a moment and a deep breath and we went in. 🍔

Everything was different. For the most part, the entire place had been gutted and remodeled. It didn’t smell the same (I hated that smell) or look the same or even feel the same. I didn’t even know the bartenders. This actually made things a lot easier for me. My head wasn’t holding memories of any of this new stuff and I immediately felt calmer. We even ran into a few old “friends” and they seemed very excited to see us after all this time – which was kinda nice. Once we got our food and started eating – the loud obnoxious voices drifted over to us – making it just as easy to not wanna go back for another 2 1/2 years. My husband made a comment about how loud I used to get at that bar. I can’t imagine ever being that version of myself again. I pray often to God, the universe, the sweet little trolls and fairies – whoever is out there listening – to let me keep my sobriety. Please. Forever. 🙏🏽♾️🧚🏽‍♀️

At the end of the day – I’m happy I went back there. The food was not that good, but the certainty I felt in knowing that I do not belong there, and never did, was worth it.

I hope that if you’re struggling with drinking – you have the strength and courage to ask someone for help. 🆘