Smoking was an awful crutch of mine for many years.  As stupid as this is true, I tried to start smoking when I was young.  Yep.  The first time I got a buzz off a cigarette, it was a half-smoked one I stole from my mom’s ashtray.  Gross.  I thought it was so much fun I decided to keep trying to smoke so I would get hooked.  I was 14 and an idiot.  Basically, because the taste and smell was so gross, I had to force myself to power thru it in order to get the buzz each time and assumed that buzz would always be there.  Obviously, no one warns you that the temporary high you feel from nicotine is very short lived and then you’re stuck in a vicious cycle of cravings and urges.  Trying to find time to sneak out at work or suck one down before you get in your ride.  Always washing your hands and chewing gum so you don’t smell like a dumpster fire.  Then doing that all over again.  Day after day.  For years, probably.  Not to mention the headaches, the embarrassment and the straight up self-destruction you’re doing.  And if you weren’t financially “ok” like myself when I was a young smoker, you’d cash in your spare change and choose cigs over food when you hadn’t eaten much in a while.  That’s just how stupid the things are.  I smoked for 25 years.  Quit cold turkey once for a year and a half.  It was difficult, and it was awful to experience the regular cravings that just never seemed to pack up and friggin’ move out.  I eventually got drunk at a party once and bummed enough skankaroos off someone that I just hung out on the side of the bar and threw up for a while that night.  I vowed to never smoke again the next morning (a repeat promise to myself that I broke every time) and it was probably about a week until I started buying them again.  Smoked for another 10 years, quitting for a few days here and there every so often and struggling daily with high blood pressure and self-hatred for having this God awful addiction.  It wasn’t until I was 38, beyond desperate to quit and scrolling thru my phone that I found the Quite Sure app.  Let me start by saying this.  I do believe it is 100% true what they say; you have to be ready to quit to succeed.  I believe this to be true with any addiction or anything you want to stop doing.  And how do you know you’re ready?  If you constantly think about how you hate it and wish you could go back in time and punch your 14 year-old self in the face.   Then you’re ready. 

Daily Journal . . .

Let me start by saying this. If you smoke cigarettes, cigars or vape, and you want to quit, I highly recommend you check out the Quit Sure app. I don’t know how things may have changed since I quit a couple years ago, but the success rate was over 97% (if I remember correctly), it took 6-days to complete and you “get” to smoke during this time. Most importantly, it was one of the best things that I ever took a chance on. Best $42 bucks ever spent – hands down. Just in case you’re wondering, I do not work for nor am I being paid for passing this along. I’m just a happy customer spreading the word. Now, about my day. I hope you guys had a better day than I did, cause mine kinda sucked. It’s been a long week, and my family is going thru some shiz. It’s days like today where, for a split second, I think how easy it would be to just call it quits on quitting and start drinking alcohol again. (It’s extra easy to think this when K is walking around with a cocktail.) When this happens to me, I have a little exercise I do (that I’m still trying to master). I just take a few breaths and a few moments and close my eyes. I go back to when I drank all the time. I make myself feel how awful it was, how foggy and sad life was, and just like that, I’m over it. Because all of us have memories, and because memories are so incredibly powerful, using them can be magical.

Looking Ahead . . .

I gotta say, just on post #2 with this blog and the ability to express myself on here is proving to be a healthy outlet for me. Thank you all for being here. What I feel I’m mostly looking forward to in this very moment. . . is tomorrow morning. I’m looking forward to the crunchy cool air and the smell of change while I sip coffee on my back steps. I try so hard to get out of bed earlier each morning, but Jeez Louise I love to sleep! Maybe I’ll work on trying to hit the snooze button just one less time tomorrow 😉